Anxiety, The Invisible Disability

Julio Álava

BEFORE YOU READ:
What is an invisible disability? What are some examples?

What Was My Disability?
I am convinced that I was born with my disability. But it took 39 years to figure out what it was. A disability is anything that prevents us from growing and moving forward. So, what was mine?

Since I was a child, I had problems expressing my thoughts and emotions. Of course, in the 1980s in Ecuador, it was very difficult for doctors to diagnose an emotional problem. At the time, they diagnosed my disability as a heart problem, because I had heart palpitations and chest pain. These episodes started when I was five years old, and they usually happened before school.

From Invisible to Visible
Finally, when I was 39 years old, I had a mental crisis. I was living in Panama at this time, and my therapist helped me to understand that my disability had a name. It was anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety is a real disability, and it is the only real illness that I’ve ever had. The panic that anxiety produces can be absolutely paralyzing.

Learning to Control My Anxiety
The good news is that I have learned there are many ways to control my anxiety. For example, therapy helped me to understand myself and my history. I now recognize the wounds from my childhood. Meditation also helps me.

As part of my healing plan, I set some goals for myself. I wanted to go back to school to continue my personal education, and I wanted to write my first book. Today, I have a master’s degree in theology. I graduated with a 4.0 GPA. Now, I am finishing my PhD. A few months ago, I published my first book. I am achieving more and more of my goals every day. I have learned to use my disability as a platform for my personal growth and development.

AFTER YOU READ:
1. In your own words, describe the author’s journey with his disability.
2. See the next page for links to other Change Agent articles about invisible disabilities and anxiety.

Julio César Álava is a student at Plainville Adult and Continuing Education in Plainville, Connecticut. He is a pastor and writer. He is married and a father to two children. He is originally from Ecuador. He loves fútbol (soccer) and culinary arts.

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Emotional Trauma Can Be a Disability

Elida Reyes

BEFORE YOU READ:
1. A trauma (noun) is a very stressful or disturbing experience that breaks your sense of security. It could happen once or repeatedly. Traumatic is the adjective form of the word. Try using both words in a sentence.
2. Read the title and the headings. What do you think this article will be about?

My Mother Treated Me Harshly
My disability started when I was a child. My mother verbally and physically abused me. When I spoke, she would tell me that everything I said was garbage. She told me to shut up, and she hit me. She even told me that she regretted that I was born. I didn’t understand why other people in the world were kinder to me than my own mother. The person who was supposed to love me would treat me so harshly.

This abuse was traumatic for me. It has stayed with me throughout my life. It has led me to live my life in survival mode. For example, when I was 19, I just wanted to get away from my toxic family, so I married a man who was not at all right for me.

My mother’s treatment of me left me with an emotional disability. It is an invisible disability, but it has affected me deeply. It has made it difficult for me to live a full life.

Scared to Use My Voice
In addition to my emotional disability, I did not receive a good education. No one encouraged me to go to school. My grandmother and mother didn’t go to school. There were no books in my home. My relatives were uneducated. The Spanish that we spoke in my house was very basic.

When my children started school, I also went to school. I studied English at the Center for Community Education. I needed to learn English so that I could at least follow instructions. I felt incompetent, powerless, and unworthy. I could not communicate complicated ideas and emotions in English or Spanish. I felt scared to use my voice to express myself or stand up for myself.

Beginning to Learn
My disability has had many consequences. Now that my children are adults, I have gathered the courage to go back to school. I was afraid to come back to school again because I doubted whether I could learn. Now I can express myself more precisely with the new words I am learning, and that feels good. But it’s been a struggle because of my self-doubt.

Now that I am not in survival mode, I have also learned about myself. One painful lesson is finding out how my disability affected my children.

Because I was uneducated, I wanted my children to have the advantage of a good education. I made sure I gave my children a stable home and didn’t let them miss school. I made sure that they did their homework and read. But my lack of trust led me to be very strict. When it came to kids their own age, I was scared that they would become part of the wrong crowd, so I didn’t let them have friends over. I was so scared they would turn out just like me—uneducated, emotionally disabled, a single parent.

Listening to My Children
In spite of my good intentions, I did some damage. My adult children are now telling me that I didn’t nurture them or help them to process their feelings. They say I was too strict, and I expected too much of them. They say that I needed them to be more grown up than they were ready to be. For instance, my daughter had to teach me to write checks, because I didn’t know how. So, I realize that in spite of all my efforts to overcome my own trauma, I had not fully healed, and my children were affected. It’s very painful, but I am listening to them.

What I want to say is that emotional disabilities are debilitating, just as physical disabilities are. And if emotional trauma isn’t recognized and healed, some of it can be passed on to the next generation.

AFTER YOU READ:
1. What did Elida’s mother do that was emotionally abusive and traumatic for Elida?
2. Elida says that her mother left her with an emotional disability. How has this emotional disability affected her? Be specific.
3. According to the author, how can emotional trauma be passed down to the next generation?

Elida Reyes is a student at Borough of Manhattan Community College in New York City. It is part of the CUNY Adult Literacy Program. She lives in Manhattan and is a passionate learner whose first language is Spanish. She is proud to share her voice through writing.

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Why Was I Tired All the Time? My Experience with Hypothyroidism

Sundeela Amir

BEFORE YOU READ:
Look up hypothyroidism and share what you learn about it.

Something Was Wrong with Me
About 10 years ago, I started feeling tired all the time. My brain didn’t work well. I couldn’t understand simple instructions. At work, I took
notes about everything, so I wouldn’t forget. My mind was tense and exhausted. Something was wrong with me, but I kept trying to work the same way that I used to.

At home, small chores were very difficult for me. In the morning it was hard for me to get out of bed. My husband helped me get the kids ready for school and make their lunches. After work, I was so tired that I would come home and go straight to bed. My family suffered a lot due to my condition, but they were really supportive. My husband took care of most of the things that I was supposed to manage. However, I still pushed myself to the limit. I wanted to take care of my family.

Finally, A Diagnosis
It took five years, but I finally got a diagnosis. I have hypothyroidism. My doctor was shocked. She told me that most people with this disease sleep all the time. She wondered how I could work full time and take care of my family. She was so surprised.

She gave me a medication, which helped a lot. I also decided I needed to stop working and do something different. I am so lucky that my husband is always by my side. He advised me to go back to school. He said, “At the beginning you may face challenges, but it’s okay. You might not get good grades but at least you are doing something different from your normal routine.”

At first, it was hard to back to school. My brain and body didn’t work the way they used to. But I worked hard. My husband always encouraged me. At last, in 2023, I completed my Master’s degree in Library and Information sciences.

Some days are still hard for me, but I never give up. I always try to do things that make my brain happy and make me feel less anxious and depressed. For example, I started working out at home, which made me feel better. Also, I volunteer at an organization that supports women’s rights and access to education and health care. Volunteer work gave me a lot of happiness and satisfaction.

AFTER YOU READ:
1. Why was Sundeela’s doctor surprised?
2. How did Sundeela’s husband support her? Be specific.
3. What does Sundeela do to be happy?

Sundeela Amir is an English language student at East Hartford Adult Education in East Hartford, Connecticut. Originally from Pakistan, she worked a Librarian for 10 years.

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Breaking the Silence: My Journey with Diabetes

Ana Chavez

BEFORE YOU READ:
1. Share what you know about diabetes.
2. What does it mean to “break the silence”?

Mysterious Symptoms
The symptoms started slowly. I started to feel very tired. The soles of my feet itched badly. I had anxiety, headaches, and blurry vision. I had to go to the bathroom six times every night. My joints ached. I wanted to sleep all day. I was depressed and overweight. My mouth was always dry, and I had no energy.

This went on for five years. My family said those symptoms were caused by menopause. And I took medicine for menopause for four years.

A Surprise
I finally went to the doctor. They did blood work and told me I had Type 2 Diabetes. The sugar level in my blood was 7.6. It scared me to find out I had diabetes. However, I should have expected it. I had gestational diabetes in both of my pregnancies. My grandparents, parents, and uncle all had diabetes.

I thought my life was over. I saw what happened to my family members. My grandmother and uncle went blind because of diabetes. My uncle had to have one of his legs amputated.

Action Plan
The first thing I did was to learn about diabetes. I took classes at the El Paso Center for Diabetes. I learned how to cook healthy meals. I changed my eating habits. I worked with a nutritionist to create a new diet for myself. I learned how to control my diabetes with diet and exercise.

Now, I am not afraid of my condition. I feel happy when I do what I must do. I exercise, eat well, manage my stress, and go to my doctor’s appointments.

However, for me, the most important thing is to teach my eight-year-old son how to be healthy. In my family, diabetes has been a silent killer. But no more! My family is learning to control diabetes for future generations.

AFTER YOU READ:
1. What is the sequence of events that happened to Ana?
2. At first, she felt like her “life was over.” But then she made an action plan. How did it help her to make an action plan?
3. Look at the words in bold italics. Use context clues to figure out what they mean.

Ana Chavez is a student at Ysleta Community Learning Center in El Paso, Texas. She is the mother of two sons.

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Access Makes All the Difference

Emmanuel Safari

BEFORE YOU READ:
Read the title and the headings. What do you think “access” means in this context?

A Disability Leads to Pity and Neglect in My Country
I was born with a problem in my heart. I was very weak. When I was a child, I couldn’t do anything on my own. My mother was by my side every single day. I needed her help to take even the smallest step. My legs could not support me. My arms were too weak to lift anything. Even eating was difficult.

In my country, the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa, the government does not provide resources to care for vulnerable people. I experienced so much pity and neglect growing up.

More Resources in the U.S.
When I arrived in the U.S., everything was different. Many places in this country are accessible for people with disabilities. I was amazed. I could visit museums and historical sites, and I would be treated with care and respect. Many places have wheelchair access. They have smooth wooden boardwalks and ramps for my wheelchair. Often the staff are friendly. They want to make sure all people feel welcome.

In the U.S., I have also received the benefit of medical treatment, physical therapy, and prayer. In Charlottesville, Virginia, the International Rescue Committee (IRC) helped me access good medical care. I don’t have a job yet, but I have medicaid. I can get the physical therapy I need.

Faith, Support, and Healthcare Can Mean a Full and Happy Life
We are a Christian family, and we lean heavily on faith. Consistent support has made me stronger. I can now walk and lift things. People who had once given up on me are shocked to see me. I am a lucky man.

Being disabled or missing a part of your body should not be the end of the world. When society makes things accessible to us, and when we can get healthcare and physical therapy, we can live full and happy lives.

AFTER YOU READ (part 1):

AFTER YOU READ (part 2):
2. Emmanuel provides evidence that he is treated with care and respect. What evidence does he provide? Be specific.
3. Read the title again. How does “access” make all the difference, according to Emmanuel?
Emmanuel?

Emmanuel Safari is a student at Thomas Jefferson Adult Career Education at Piedmont Virginia Community College in Charlottesville, Virginia. He wants to thank people who work with people with disabilities. He says, “Your work is amazing. You bring hope and healing to those who need it the most.”

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